SETTING: ISANG CAFÉ
TAUHAN: ISANG BADING AT ISANG BABAENG BAKLA

Uy, wag kang lilingon, yung guy dun sa tabi, tingin nang tingin sa atin.
Cute?

Cute!

(Lilingon)

Punyeta, sinabi nang wag lilingon eh.

Eh anong gagawin ko? Sinabi mo cute eh di siempre lilingon ako!

Sana mas naging discreet ka naman!

Hoy, kung yung ex ko nga pinilit akong maging discreet eh hindi nagwagi ikaw pa kaya?

Kaw bakla, puma-punch line ka na naman.

Eh anong gusto mong gawin ko, tanawin siya sa pamamagitan ng pwet ko?

Bwahaha (mock laughter). Magsama kayo ng pwet mo. Ang baho nyo!

(Makes face)

So what do you think?

Cute siya

Cute siya noh?

In fairness.

In Fairview.

Dennis Trillo ang byuti.

Type mo siya? Type ko siya.

Like ko. Love ko!

Parang naggi-gym.

May hubog ang katawan.

Cute rin yung siko niya at nakikita ko malaki ang kanyang nota.

Echos! My X-ray vision ka.

XXX vision.

Bakla nagi-imagine ka na naman!

Plus I think gay sha.

Hay naku, eto na naman tayo. Lahat naman bakla sayo.

(bakla kaya siya o hindi? check out bwisitdiaries.blogspot.com to confirm… chos!)

ecently, i discovered zenaida zeva’s blogspot account and what the fuck she’s good. a few days ago, my horoscope told me that if i was looking for a house to own or to rent then i will receive a message from the owners not later than 3:15 in the afternoon and that if i did i should immediately act on it. well, at 2 in the afternoon, filma was already bugging me about the room that we were intending to rent. my boyfriend and i had visited the place yesterday and we are planning to move in later this month. tarush davah! … to read the full article, visit bwisitdiaries.blogspot.com

go na!

 

   

   

   

"(Elwood Perez) would forever remember Gosiengfiao as "a bohemian in a turtleneck, a cigarette dangling from his lips, like French actress Jeanne Moreau," Perez said." - report on the Inquirer

I discovered joey gosengfiao after i had discovered brocka and bernal. as a pretentious newly grad keen on learning everything about the movies and as a fledging writer hellbent on changing the world, i was more interested in social dramas and films (that’s films, not movies) that had garnered an X number of awards from various film festivals. of course, it was not surprising that i was a rather humorless kid. i took myself way too seriously despite the fact that most people around me didnt. i guess that’s how young men weaned on a strange diet of jd salinger, william burroungs and jack keroack usually are. i was a poseur desperately wanting to be seen as a man of gravitas. it was only later in life, after experiencing real pain and rejection, did i learn to laugh at myself and more importantly, at the world in general. recently, in a span of a day, i was rejected by a news organization, got so broke i couldnt afford to take a cab to my work, received a salary with so many deductions i was quite sure it would not last until next week, and was informed that we were being kicked out of our apartment. instead of bawling my eyes out, i found myself laughing. i stopped typing another horrendous script and engaged in a hilarious chitchat with two of my gay officemates. portentously they were talking about gosengfiao and recalled a scene from bomba star.

actor (calling out to alma moreno): stella, stella…

alma moreno ignores the boy and opens a dictionary. she looks up the word "stella". she then turns to the boy and says:

alma: alam mo ba ang ibig sabihin nang "stella"? Star! Magiging star ako!

of course in the movie alma did eventually become a bomba star and on the premiere of her movie, a jealous rosemarie gil puts out a gun and causes a stampede inside the theater. the movie was hilarious as hell and watching my two officemates reenact the scene was enough to make me sane again. i guess thats why we love watching his movies. bomba star, virginia p, etc were so crazy and so gay that we couldnt help but be swayed by its ridiculousness. some filmmakers interpret life with so much seriousness that you begin to doubt if the producers are being serious at all. gosengfiao, on the other hand, sees life as one big bitchy catfight complete with sharp manicured nails and arched stenciled eyebrows, the kind where a character mouths lines like: "Rub-a-dub-dub, two bitches in a tub!".

In virginia p (I dont exactly remember what her P stands for? Was it pakangkang?), alma moreno (if almodovar had antonio then gosengfiao had alma) experiences having her parents being flattened by a bulldozer and being oppresed by joey marquez’s (ugh!) rich family. in the all-important climax, which happens in an abandoned mining site, a intoxicated alice dixson appears out of nowhere holding a flute glass filled with champagne on one hand and a gun on another. On her seductive red lips dangled a cigarette. after exchanging lines with alma, she accidentally sets herself on fire. Just like that.

according to an inquirer report, gosengfiao was planning his big comeback before he died a couple of days ago. apparently, he was searching for a writer and someone suggested chris martinez (who adapted the movie temptation island and zsa zsa zaturnna for the stage). i think it would have been a great tandem. im also a fan of chris martinez. both gosengfiao and martinez seem to be the kind who could take the zirkoh / klownz type of humor (low camp) and infuse it with wit and intelligence (high camp). it might have been one fabulous movie. sayang!

Gosengfiao may not have exposed the social / political injustices in the country or delved into serious cinema but he is undoubtedly a genius. After all, who would have thought of putting an ice cream and a huge electric fan right in the middle of a desert? Crazy as it may sound, i see gosengfiao sauntering into the gates of heaven and having been greeeted by st. peter, utters virginia p’s classic line: "You may kiss me if you want…"

 

as god as my witness i will never work with kids again! recently i was tasked to shoot a plug for the forthcoming Little Miss Philippines pageant. On my mind,  i had this grand idea of children turning into little princesses. It was easy enough idea so assumed that i would be done in no time. after all, all i had in mind was kids waving, posing, dancing, etc. nothing monumental or dramatic. this isnt super fucking inggo. just a simple plug. the night before our shoot i was still lacking one talent and although i was already a bit worried i was optimistic that i would find one in broadway. well, i did. minutes before our camera started rolling i found this pretty girl lining up to watch the show. i talked to the parents —- and the girl of course —- and lo and behold they are more than willing to let their kid be abused. so off i went to fetch a nice red gown and ushered her, along with the two talents, in the middle of the stage. it was an auspicious beginning and i was already congratulating myself.

you could just imagine my disappointment when, seconds before i shouted action, one of the talents, the youngest one, started bawling her eyes out and from there my day and my shoot eventually went to hell… 

I now realize, after being in a relationship for approximately two months now, that being attached entails alot of maturity. Of course, I was such a moron in thinking that being in a relationship was easier than, say, dating around. I was dating several guys before I met the man that I am currently with. It was already a bit of an effort then: hooking up, cruising, and eventually trying to find a connection, which more often than not, doesnt come easy. But of course, being attached also isnt as peachy as it sounds. In the last two months, I have discovered how selfish, destructive, and possessive I am. But I also realized that it is almost always the one who loves more that comes off as the villain in the story.

saturday

1:19am, pasig

i am currently editing a plug for the next saturday’s show and guess what eat bulaga will be doing? mga bakla, pagkakataon na ninyo toh! after several years, we are bringing back super sireyna on air. but only for a week. the higher ups are not convinced that this will bring good ratings but we at the writers department are betting our petite asses that it will.

anyway, i am doing the plug that will air later today and as i was trying to choose which fonts ( as in fonts lang ha) to use, i realized how difficult my job is. my gawd! lahat ng mga bakla sa pilipinas makikita ito and i should give them justice. dapat may panache ang vtr or else tikbak ever ng mga vaklush ang creation koh davah! and the layout, the video materials, everything should be perfect since we all know how critical we gays are. i remember mj telling me how he was dumbstruck when he first saw the obb of super sireyna featuring a mermaid’s tail. "ang bakla!!! sinong gumawa nun?" he said. this time, however, we are trying to give more glamour to the competition and the plugs should do the same. hay, how i wish when this vtr is done and is already airing on philippine tv, it will somehow inspire my fellow gay men to get their brushes and makeup kits ready and head to tape office to fulfill their dreams of becoming a real queen, a beauty queen. if that happens then my job is done charing! oh well, i should stop writing and do some editing. see you on pageant day!!!

There’s an angel on my TV show

The floor director raises his hand. “One, two, three, four, and…”

“Welcome, back. In case you just tuned in, we were discussing about angels. Are they real or are they just a figment of our Catholic imagination?” said the slender, glamorous host. “So, Mrs. Ching, you collect these angel figurines. Do you believe in angels?”

“Yes, of course, they are as real as you and me,” Mrs. Ching said, smiling. “In fact, I have brought some of my collection in the studio, could we show it to the viewers?”

“Direk, do we have time?” the host asked, looking beyond the camera, into the dark, stuffy studio. “Could we show the viewers Mrs. Ching’s collection? We could? Okay.”

Mrs. Ching signaled to her helper, who promptly wheeled into the set three angel sculptures...

(to read the entire story, please visit my spanking new blog at www.partingglances.wordpress.com. chicken out!)

“I have a new boyfriend. The relationship is just a week old but i’m so intense that i ask him to sleep over in my new apartment almost every night. yes, i have a new boyfriend and a new apartment just as the new year kicked in. fortunately, he lives just a few blocks from where i live…”

- to read the entire blog entry, log on to www.partingglances.wordpress.com (hehehe my spanking new blog. yulavit!)

Intro chuva: This is a work of fiction. Just wrote it today, inspired no less by last night’s drinkfest with some of my friends from work. CUE VTR

BLIND DATE 

“Punyeta!” sa isip isip ng bakla. Nilabas niya ang kanyang Eskinol at bulak at nagsimulang mag-clean ng fez sa gitna ng Adriatico. Kesihodang pagtawanan siya ng mga passersby basta feeling byuti siya pagnagkita sila ng kanyang date. Sino ba naman ang hindi maiimbay sa lecheng shukab driver na pinababa siya sa kahabaan ng

Taft avenue

dahil nagluluko ang makina niya. “Never mind the bullocks,” sabi niya sa sarili na parang mantra habang binabaybay ang kahabaan ng Padre Faura para lang marating ang Malate.

Dumiretso kaagad siya sa meeting place at nagsimulang i-compose ang sarili. “Hey cutie,” patawag niya sa waiter ng café. “Isang cappuccino please.”

Amoy

na amoy pa niya ang facial cleanser at medyo nahihilo pa siya pero keri lang, oiliness is next to ugliness nga naman. Nagsindi siya ng sigarilyo at nagsimulang magmasid.

“Nakakalurlay na ‘to,” pagbubuntong hininga niya. “Nandito na naman ako.”

Bigla niyang naisip ang unang beses na napadpad siya sa Malate. “Juice ko, years na,” think niya. White party ng 1999. Everybody was wearing white but he was wearing gray. Naunshami pa ang gabi nang himatayin after two rounds of San Mig light ang kanyang diyosang kasama dahil may-I-drink beer without eating dinner ang lola kasi extreme dieting ang drama. Hayun, nag-gay pride na lang sila sa emergency room ng PGH. “In

Fairview

, cutie si doctor,” remember niya.

“Your cappuccino sir,” sabi ng cute waiter. To mimic those flowery Tagalog short stories na nabasa niya sa Lit 101, parang lobong hinatak pababa ang kanyang thoughts at nagbalik siya sa reality. “Teka,

9:30

na wala ang date koh ah!” Pero before he could react, nag-tootoot-tootoot ang kanyang fone.

“Wer u?” sabi ng text.

Si Chaotic cute. Ka-chat sa net. Winner.

“Malate, waiting for a date. U?” Reply niya.

“Drunk. Can we meet tonite?” sagot uli sa text.

“Gagah ka ba,” sa isip isip niya. “Nasa date nga ako eh.”

“Of course, later perhaps?”

“Now na.”

Demanding ang putah.

“Can’t. Where are you anyway?”

“QC. Maybe you know someone I could date tonite.?”

“Acheche! Ginawa pa akong dating service,” think ni bakla.

“Um, sure, I’ll ask around.”

“Thanks. Am touched and have a hard on at the same time.”

Hard on!

Aba

ibang level na ‘to.

“Anytime dude,” text niya. (DUDE?!)

Hay mga bakla nga naman. Parang mga karneng kinikilo sa wet market. May mahal.May sariwa. May bulok. May pwedeng tawaran. At ang iba dapat nililibre na lang. At pag-trip ng orgy, may wholesale pa. Ako kaya, ano kayang klaseng karne ako. “To be honest,” pagsasagot niya sa kanyang sariling tanong. “Bulok na. Way way too long to be in the market. I should have been bought years ago. Years when I was still fresh and idealistic. Hindi ngayon na puno na ng adult angst at adult woe.”

At for the first time that night, nanglumo ang bakla. “Nasan na ba ang ka-date koh!” isip isip niya.

Pero tulad ng isang professional beauty queen, inalis niya sa kanyang isipan ang kahit anong negativity at tumayo. “Kailangan ko na nang mag-retouch,” sabi niya.

Pinasok niya ang dark at cozy interiors ng café. Mas prefer niya ito kesa sa bagong coffee shop na nagbukas dun sa tabi ng Library.

Para

nga namang old man’s drawing room ang drama ng coffee shop na ‘to. Everywhere he looks, may wood. May history. Naalala niya tuloy ang isang eksena sa Broken Marriage na diyan sa baba lang shinut. Si Vilma, PM sa isang TV show. Nagsisigarilyo, nagrereklamo sa kanyang mga industry friends na si Sorayda at Juan Rodrigo tungkol sa married life niya. “I’m bored,” sabi ni Vilma sabay hithit sa yosi. “I’m so bored.”

“Ako rin,” think niya. “I’m bored. I’m bored of waiting. I’ve been waiting for the past 28 years I think I already have the right to be bored.” Napa-smile siya. Ang drama ng linya, pang-Urian. Best actress talaga siya, sa isip isip niya. Pumasok siya sa CR at sinuri ang kanyang award-winning self.    

Hair? Short and nice, courtesy of his suking beautician sa Bench Fix.

Skin? Freshly Eskinoled.

Utong? Perky under his tight cotton green shirt.

Abs? May love handles pero pagbibiro niya sa sarili, loveable pa naman.

Outfit? Medyo tight but not so tight na nagmumukha na siyang mumurahing call boy.

Package? Freshly scrubbed and nicely ensconced inside his faded tight

Levis

.  

Pagbalik niya sa kanyang upuan, wala pa rin ang ka-date. Punyeta, one hour late na ang putah. Na-indiana Jones na kaya siya?

“Wer u?” text niya sa date niya. Wait siya sa reply.

Too-toot. Too-toot. Kapag sinabi nitong “on the way” palang siya, magwa-walk out ako, sabi niya.

Pero hindi ka-date niya ang nagtext. Si Becky also known as Bekekang, ang kanyang parlorlista friend. Addictus extraordinaire. Maasahan sa mga pang-hits pero parating nangungutang.

“Leche,” mahinang pagmumura niya.

“Wer u?” text nito.

“Malate.” Reply niya.

“May pera ang lolah.”

“Bakit mangungutang kah?”

“’Tang ina mo, nasan na si Archie?”

Huh, anong pinagsasabi ng baklang bakulaw na ‘to? Think niya.

“Sinong Archie?”

“Wag ka ng mng-etchng, kw si Mdm Auring ano?”

“Lecheng bakla ito, mangungutang nga!”

Nag-reply siya.

“Wala akong pera. Ililibre lang ako ng ka-date ko.”

Thank god wiz na reply ang parlorlistang kamukha ni Bakekang. Pero tuluyan nang na-imbyerna ang bakla at nilisan na ang Café Adriatico. Kung sabagay, whaz niya type ang hombreng ka-meet. Pang-filler lang until the real thing comes along.

Naglakad siya patungong Orosa kung saan naruruon ang epicenter ng kabadingan sa Pilipinas. Nagiba na ang mga mukha ng establishments. Ang dating Piggy’s nagging Oh. Ang Kenkoy naging isang cheap videoke bar. May Chelu pa at Fluid na umeeksena. Ganun na rin ba kabilis magsara ang mga dating tinuturing niyang home? Kasing bilis nang pagpapalit ng lalaking kung minsan hindi man lang rumirehistra sa memory?

Bigla niyang naisip ang mga boylets na wish niya kasama niya. Si Ruel na cutie pie na halos hindi marunong magbasa na pera lang ang habol sa kanya. Si Mark na may nice smile at soft lips na pinahabol habol lang siya. Si Edmond na ayaw makipag-commit kasi di pa over sa dating boyfriend na isang taon na siyang iniwan. Si Greggy na isang gay beauty queen na

makati

pa sa gabi.

Midnight

na pero super feel niya na nasa baywalk siya, naglalakad habang sunset at ang kanyang shadow niya ay kasing haba ng buhok ni Rapunzel. “Ya,” isip isip niya. “Depressed akoh.”

Tumuloy siya sa Rainbow na dating

New York

café at umupo sa isang sulok. “Hey cutie, dalawang Strong Ice nga,” utos niya sa waiter. Pinagmasdan niya ang dalawang bote sa harap niya. “I should be having fun right now,” sabi niya sa sarili. Pero hindi, magisa siya sa isang gay bar nakatitig sa mga boteng tila pinagpapawisan sa lamig.

Pagkatapos niya magpakalasing, umakyat siya sa second floor. Disco forever ang drama niya. Pagpasok na pagpasok palang niya naka-encounter na siya ng isang couple na mukhang serious ang dilemma.

“I mish shoo.” Sabi ni Bakla 1.

“Ewan ko sayo.” Reply ni Bakla 2.

“Pramis.”

“Echosera.”

“Kung na-miss mo ako bakit hindi mo sinasagot yung mga text messages koh?”

“Hon, bhishi ako. Plish understand.”

“Ewan ko sayo. Bakit ako hindi ba ako busy? Eh mas busy nga ako sa yo eh.”

“Eh hon, magaling kang mag-multi task eh.”

“Ay sus, may nalalaman kang ganyan.”

“Ang mga bakla talaga mahilig sa revivals,” sabi niya sa sarili. “Nagoyo na minsan ayaw pa ring madala.”

Biglang may nag-Too-toot. Too-toot.

Aba

may nagtext. Ka-date niya.

“Sori Im late. Wer u?”

Punyeta!

Gusto niyang ibato ang cellfone at magmumura sa loob ng bar pero whiz niya type ang magpaka-lucrecia sa isang bayot na tangengot sa oras. Plus, beinte mil pa ang bili niya sa fone niya na binabayaran pa niya kay Tita Josie. Sa isang monument, naisip niya, baka siya na nga ang iniintay niya. Latecomer nga lang. Pero on second thought, ‘di rin. “Punyeta sha.”

Sinuksok na lang niya ang kanyang fone sa bulsa at nag-hope na may isang cutie na lumapit sa kanya na of course hindi naman nangyari. Pero miracle of miracles. Nagsalang ang DJ ng kanyang paboritong Kylie Minogue song at kahit na bad trip ang gabi at Luz Valdez ang bakla, nag-astang Winnie Monsod siya at nagsimulang sumayaw. Sumayaw siya ng sumayaw hanggang ang buong kwarto ay umikot at ang mga tao dito ay nagmukhang mga planets sa Solar System at siya ang kanilang Sun.